The Better Way: Why Mercy Is the Secret to the Good Life

What do you really want out of life? Harvard's ongoing Global Flourishing Study identified six things that resurface across all demographics — happiness, health, purpose, character, relationships, and stability. It's true in the US and abroad. It's true regardless of socioeconomic status, race, or gender. The question is: how do you get them? Is it success, control, or wealth? Or is there something more?

Jesus had something to say about this. And it goes completely against the flow.

The Greatest Sermon Ever Preached

We're in the middle of a series called The Good Life, working our way through the greatest sermon ever preached. Jesus is standing on a hillside, and every phrase he speaks shares a vision for a life that goes against the grain. Today, we arrive at one of those phrases — but we get there by way of a story.

In Matthew 18:23-34, Jesus tells us about a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owed him ten thousand talents. Just to give some perspective — scholars estimate this in the billions of dollars, some placing it around $2.5 billion. The point is simple: it was unpayable. This was a debt that would be impossible to get on the other side of.

The king, out of pity, released the servant and forgave the entire debt.

But then that same servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii — roughly a third of an annual salary. He seized him, choked him, and threw him in prison until he could pay. When the king heard what happened, he was furious: "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?" (Matthew 18:32-33).

Jesus tells us a story about the kind of person we certainly do not want to be. The lesson is powerful: when mercy is given, mercy must be extended.

What Jesus Said Directly

This is important enough that Jesus doesn't just tell us a story and hope we get it. He speaks to this truth directly in Matthew 5:7 (NLT): "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."

Before we go further, let's remember what blessed means. Being blessed has nothing to do with the circumstances of life. Being blessed is deep fulfillment, inner wholeness, and satisfaction that transcends the circumstances of life. It's a state of being.

So Jesus says: if you want deep fulfillment, inner wholeness, and satisfaction that transcends — extend mercy.

The Way of the World vs. The Way of Jesus

Here's the problem: we want mercy for ourselves and justice for everyone else.

The Way of the World keeps score. It tracks every slight, every missed birthday, every forgotten favor, every eye roll. It keeps a secret scorecard of who called first, who apologized last, who owes who. In marriage, it shows up in who changed the most diapers and how the dishwasher was loaded wrong. In work, it's them getting credit for your idea. Among siblings, it's grudges held for decades over words said years ago.

Our memory is long. And there's no end to it. So we cancel people who don't meet our expectations.

But there is a better way. The Way of Jesus extends mercy. And as I read recently, "Mercy does not deny the offense. Mercy chooses not to weaponize it."

Mercy is picking up his socks without reminding him he missed the hamper by six feet. Mercy is sending the first text to a friend. Mercy is being patient with the cashier. Mercy is letting someone have an off day. Life can feel like a constant stream of criticism, so when mercy shows up, people notice. To be a person who extends mercy is to become a magnet.

When Mercy Shows Up in the Madness

I want to show you what mercy looks like when emotions are high, tempers are hot, and someone has to decide whether to make things worse or make things better.

The story is found in 1 Samuel 25. David — a man living on the run, hiding in caves with a ragtag group of men — had been informally protecting the shepherds of a wealthy man named Nabal. When sheep-shearing season came, a time of celebration and generosity, David sent messengers asking for provisions in return. Nabal's response was dismissive and disrespectful: "Who is this fellow David? ...Should I take my bread and my water and my meat...and give it to a band of outlaws who come from who knows where?" (1 Samuel 25:10-11, NLT).

David didn't take that well. Four hundred men strapped on swords. David was riding toward Nabal's house.

Then Nabal's wife, Abigail, heard what happened. She gathered bread, wine, sheep, grain, raisins, and figs, loaded them on donkeys, and rode out to intercept David on the road. He was angry. He was armed. He was on his way to exact revenge.

And Abigail did something extraordinary. She stopped him. She took responsibility for a mess she did not create. Then she said: "Don't let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won't have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance." (1 Samuel 25:31, NLT).

Mercy showed up in the madness. David listened, and responded: "Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands." (1 Samuel 25:32-33, NLT).

Abigail saved a household from destruction. And she saved David from himself. Some of us know exactly how that feels. We've all had moments where one text, one comment, one betrayal made us want to swing back. Then God sent an Abigail — someone wise, someone calm, someone merciful — who helped us become better than our worst impulse.

The Mercy We've Already Received

Mercy is ultimately the story of the Gospel. Paul, a first-century church leader, reminds us in Ephesians 2 that we are inclined to do our own thing and make our own way — and left to our own devices, we live lives separated from God, without hope.

And then two of the most beautiful words in the Bible: but God.

Rich in mercy. Great in love. He made us alive with Christ. We were the mess and Jesus was the mercy.

Putting It Into Practice

So if you struggle to be merciful — and most of us do — here are three things worth considering:

1. Assume there is something you don't know. Because there always is. Is the person being short with you just trying to hold it all together? When we assume there's something we don't know, we allow the people around us to be human. We go from "What is wrong with them?" to "What don't I know yet?"

2. Don't expect people to be as perfect as you are. We have different skill sets, different capacities, different life stages. As leadership expert Craig Groeschel put it: "My standards can be high, but my expectations must be fair." If we evaluate our expectations and give people a chance to succeed, we are walking in mercy.

3. Forgive faster. Just do it. Be merciful by forgiving faster.

The way of the world keeps score. But the way of Jesus extends mercy. So today, if you have received that mercy — give it. And if you need that mercy — receive it.