Unsubscribe from Anger: Finding Peace This Holiday Season
Have you ever felt that sweet satisfaction of clicking the "unsubscribe" button on an unwanted email? That tiny moment of victory when you reclaim your inbox from clutter you never asked for in the first place? It's refreshing to know those emails you never wanted will finally stop. But what if we could apply that same liberating action to the emotions that crowd our hearts and minds?
Just as our inboxes get overloaded, so can our souls. We cope by compartmentalizing our lives, working hard to keep our emotions, faith, and relationships in check—hoping they never interact. We become immune to feedback. We grow reactive. And it all piles up until life suddenly feels heavier than we ever realized.
Holiday Stress Is Real
According to a study from the American Psychological Association, 89% of people say their level of stress increases during the holidays. You've lived it, right? The stress about having enough or spending too much money. The strain of balancing your schedule. The pressure of being happy or making every moment magical. And, of course, there's all that extra time with family.
As much fun as the holidays are and as much joy as there is to be found, holiday stress is real. And here's the deal: this isn't a Christian thing or a church thing. This is a thing thing!
The Biblical Perspective on Anger
In his letter to the first-century church in Ephesus, Paul calls out some of the dangerous and life-stealing patterns we are susceptible to:
Ephesians 4:31 (NLT) says, "Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don't yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude."
This is a bit of a relief, isn't it? Struggling with anger is not a new phenomenon. The Bible has been addressing it for thousands of years.
James, the brother of Jesus, wrote to believers who were struggling with division, frustration, and anger. They were trying to live out their faith in a messy world, and emotions were running high. To this group of people who were allowing their disagreements to build into anger and division, James writes:
James 1:19 (NLT): "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."
Three Steps to Unsubscribe from Anger
1. Be Quick to Listen
Speaking quickly might make you right, but it won't make you wise.
To listen "quickly" means to be ready and willing to hear what others have to say! It's a posture of humility that assumes we might not yet see the whole picture, that there could be something we're missing.
That means listening not just to the words, but to the emotions underneath them. Listening for the story behind the statement. You might discover that what sounded like criticism was really disappointment. Or what came across as rejection was really pain.
2. Be Slow to Speak
Anyone else need a moment? This one has gotten so difficult in a world where we can reply to anything anytime with just a few strokes of the keyboard. We can share our opinions and emotions faster than we can decide if we even agree with them!
Proverbs 13:3 (NLT) shares this bit of wisdom: "Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything."
It's not that you shouldn't have an opinion or that you shouldn't share that opinion. But what if we were slower to share it? Is there a chance our understanding would grow or that our perspective would change?
3. Be Slow to Get Angry
What James doesn't say here is just as interesting as what he does say. He doesn't say "don't get angry." Because there are times that anger is justified, that anger is the righteous response.
Anger is easy because it's a disguise. Anger is what we show when we are hurt or bitter or fearful or insecure or lonely. Instead of acknowledging our true emotions, everything comes out as anger.
This phrase that James uses—"slow to anger"—literally translates as "long of nostrils." When the Old Testament says that God is "long-nosed," it's describing someone who takes a long breath before responding. As Dane Ortlund puts it in his book Gentle and Lowly, "The Lord is long-nosed. He doesn't have His finger on the trigger."
Putting It Into Practice
Remember: Anger is information, not instructions. It's telling you there's something to hear, something to learn, something to understand.
When Abraham Lincoln was angry at a colleague, he would fling off what he called a "hot" letter, releasing all his pent-up wrath. He would then put the letter aside until he cooled down and could attend the matter with a clearer eye.
Anger isn't just red-faced rage. It can also manifest as:
Control
Irritation
Withdrawal
Blame
Defensiveness
Outrage
Perfectionism
Impatience
Freedom Through Unsubscribing
Just like that tiny unsubscribe link buried at the bottom of an unwanted email, James is showing us that we can choose what we allow into the inbox of our hearts. We don't have to live weighed down by bitterness, irritation, defensiveness, or outrage.
When you are quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry, you're not just avoiding conflict, you're decluttering your heart. You're choosing a way of life that looks more and more like Jesus. You are choosing to unsubscribe from anger…and subscribe to peace, patience, and love.
As we move into a season that can bubble over with stress and emotion, you don't have to carry what you were never meant to keep. You can breathe deep, slow your reactions, and walk into the holidays with a new rhythm…quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
