When Your Words Reveal Your Heart: Unsubscribing from Rudeness This Holiday Season

Have you ever said something in a moment of stress that you immediately regretted? The strain of balancing your schedule. The pressure of making every moment magical. And, of course, all that extra time with family. If holiday stress has ever affected your words, you're not alone.

As much fun as the holidays are and as much joy as there is to be found, holiday stress is real. And here's the deal: this isn't a Christian thing or a church thing. This is a thing thing!

The Root Determines the Fruit

In Luke 6, we find Jesus standing among the people, teaching what's commonly called the Sermon on the Plain. He doesn't hold back:

"A good tree can't produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can't produce good fruit. A tree is identified by its fruit. Figs are never gathered from thornbushes, and grapes are not picked from bramble bushes." (Luke 6:43-44 NLT)

Though most of us aren't actively farming, we get this. You reap what you sow. What grows on the branch reveals what's growing beneath the surface. The root determines the fruit.

But Jesus quickly turns this agricultural lesson toward us:

"A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart." (Luke 6:45 NLT)

Your Heart: A Treasury of Words

Notice what Jesus says: our heart is a treasury. It's where we keep things that are precious or valuable to us. What is in your heart is what is most important to you. And it affects everything. What you allow to live in your heart shapes who you become on the inside and on the outside.

• If envy is taking root, comparison comes out.

• If fear is taking root, defensiveness comes out.

• If bitterness is taking root, sharpness comes out.

• If grace is taking root, steadiness comes out.

• If humility is taking root, kindness comes out.

Our speech isn't arbitrary or accidental. What you consistently produce is a product of who you are. The way that you speak is an overflow of what is stored up inside.

To be clear, we all have difficult moments where something slips out that isn't reflective of who we want to be. I don't think that's the gist of what Jesus is saying here. It's not about isolated moments; it's about patterns.

But if you consistently find yourself regretting your words, saying things you didn't mean, offending those you love, it's likely because of what's stored up in your heart.

This is why trying to "watch your mouth" without addressing your heart never works for long. You can control yourself for a while, but eventually it leaks out!

Unsubscribing from Rudeness: Practical Steps

So if you want to unsubscribe from rudeness and take control of your words, here are two really practical things to try:

1. Identify the gap between what you value and how others experience you

Most of us have two realities: the kind of person we want to be and the kind of person we actually are. Your fruit reveals the truth about you better than your intentions ever will.

This week, pause long enough to ask:

• "Where is there a gap between the person I want to be and the words that regularly come out of my mouth?"

• "What tone do my kids experience most?"

• "How does my partner feel after conversations with me?"

• "What is it like to work with me when I'm stressed?"

The goal isn't guilt, it's clarity. Because we know that you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

2. In difficult moments, check your speech and trace the feeling

When you have to fight to give the proper response, it may simply be because you're overwhelmed or tired. Or maybe it goes deeper. Perhaps you were feeling dismissed, underappreciated, disrespected, or misunderstood.

Knowing why we're tempted to respond with something other than kindness is crucial to help us respond more naturally in the future.

Life Application: The Heart Solution

Ultimately, the way I speak is a matter of the heart. There is a deep connection between what you say and who you are. Your words are not arbitrary; they flow from what is stored in your heart.

So what's the key to unsubscribing from rudeness? It is only possible when our life is planted in Jesus Christ:

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5 NLT)

Some of us are trying to deal with our anger and the fire in our words by reaching for quick fixes that aren't built to handle the heat. We try to talk nicer, try harder, and do better. But without Jesus at the root, even our best attempts can catch fire and make the moment worse.

This holiday season, unsubscribe from anger and rudeness, not by your own strength, but with the help of our heavenly Father who tells us that if we stay close to him, our lives will be fruitful like his.