The keys to a healthy and long-lasting relationship

What was the song you had on repeat when you were 16? Think back to that soundtrack of your youth—those lyrics that shaped how you saw the world and yourself. Every generation has songs that challenge norms, tell stories, and teach us about life.

Today I want to share with you about the greatest song ever written—one that's been shaping lives for thousands of years. It's found in the Song of Songs, chapter 8, and it reveals something profound about love, commitment, and what it means to truly seal your heart to another person.

When Relationships Reach the Tipping Point

Today, we conclude our look at the greatest of all songs. The verses we will read today are a small part of what is a song that was written in the style of an Ancient Near East love song to be sung at a wedding celebration. It's told as a love story about a man and a woman.

But this isn't just any love story. This is both a description of relationship principles and ideals AND a message about God's relationship with humanity.

We've journeyed through four parts together: how relationships form, how they progress, how they survive conflict, and now—how they find their deepest meaning. Today, as we conclude, we reach the theological climax of the story and we move from anecdotes about the life of this man and this woman to a place where we can see the true nature of love.

Marriage Gives You a New Identity

After conflict that separated this couple, we find them reunited in Song of Songs 8:6. Listen to how this verse begins: "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm."

In the ancient Near East, a seal was a legal instrument. This imagery evokes a thought of something physical and tangible. It's a small object made of stone, metal, or clay. And it would typically be either worn as a ring or used as a stamp.

Here's what makes this powerful: Using a seal established ownership, identity, and commitment. Kings sealed decrees. Merchants sealed contracts. When a document was final, a piece of clay or a drop of melted wax would be placed on the parchment and the seal would be placed in the middle to signify acceptance.

"And since every seal was unique, it became clear who made the agreement. It was impossible to open or separate the document without damaging the seal and the parchment."

This is where we see what lasting love looks like. She asks to be a seal on his heart, her inner identity…desire, thought, and will. And a seal on his arm, a reminder that all of his actions and reactions are interconnected with her life. Two have become one.

The Science Behind Lasting Love

Thinking of marriage in these terms sets us up for success. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, is a longitudinal, or long-term study, that has been underway for more than 85 years. It's really trying to answer 1 question: What makes a life go well?

Here's what they discovered: relational stability—not wealth, success, or emotional intensity—is the strongest predictor of long-term well-being, happiness, and health.

The findings are striking. At age 50, the single strongest predictor of health at age 80 was not cholesterol levels or career success. It was relationship satisfaction. People in stable, committed relationships lived longer, stayed healthier, and reported greater fulfillment.

Covenant, Not Contract

The Song continues in verse 6b: "For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave."

I suppose that word had to make an appearance at some point, didn't it? We are talking about relationships, after all, and the threat is real: jealousy.

But here's the key insight from Old Testament Scholar Tremper Longman III: "Humans can have only one God. If they worship another, it triggers God's jealousy. God's jealousy is an energy that tries to rescue the relationship. Similarly, a man and a woman can have only one spouse. If there is a threat to that relationship, then jealousy is a proper emotion."

Marriage is not a contract where parties make certain agreements about how they will live together and treat one another. Marriage is a covenant, a relationship based on a pledge and a promise, not on convenience.

Which means that when life gets heavy and conflict comes, we lean in instead of running out. Not because everything is picture perfect, but because covenant was never built on perfect circumstances.

The 4 Burners Theory: Faith and Family Together

Maybe this will help pull it all together. Author James Clear, of Atomic Habits fame, shares what he calls the 4 Burners Theory. I've updated and adapted it to include the most important burner of all.

The 4 burners are Family, Faith, Work, and Health. The idea is that in order to be successful in life, you can only have 3 of the burners turned all the way up.

But here's the incredible thing: I think it's possible to keep all 4 stable and steady at some level. Why? Because the first two, faith and family, actually go together! It's all about the approach.

Because faith doesn't compete with family…it transforms it.

Faith reshapes how you show up at the dinner table. It reshapes how you respond when you're tired, when you're frustrated, when you're misunderstood. Faith doesn't take you away from your family…it teaches you how to be fully present with them.

When faith and family are aligned, they stop competing for heat. They share the same flame.

The Gospel Connection: God's Seal on Your Heart

Here's the 2nd level of meaning. As we close, we need to see something bigger than marriage. Because the Song of Songs was never just about a man and a woman. It was always pointing beyond them…to the way God loves you.

Because the reality is, we don't love perfectly. We fail people. We break promises. We carry regret. Some of us wonder if we've done too much, gone too far, or broken too much to ever be fully loved.

But the Gospel tells a different story.

Romans 5:8 says, But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Before you fixed anything. Before you proved anything. Before you earned anything…God sealed His love for you through Jesus.

Scripture says when you trust Him, God places His seal on you. Your past is forgiven. Your future is secure. Your identity is changed. You are loved. Permanently."

Putting It Into Practice

And when you know you are loved like that…it changes how you love. You stay when it's hard. You forgive when it hurts. You keep showing up.

Whether you're married, single, or somewhere in between, here are the key applications:

For Those Who Are Married: This is a reminder of the commitment you've made. It's an encouragement to continue to seek wholeness and unity. Remember that your marriage is a covenant, not a contract. When conflict comes, lean in instead of running out.

For Those Struggling in Marriage: Perhaps your marriage is painful and you aren't sure if you have it in you to keep going, my prayer today is that you will be encouraged today by what we will uncover. Remember that covenant was never built on perfect circumstances.

For Everyone: Today is also a reminder of God's love for each and every person. You are sealed by God's love through Jesus. That seal cannot be broken.

Because the love that seals your heart…becomes the love that shapes your life. That is the Gospel. And that's the message of the Song of Songs.